I’ve decided to divorce…now what?

I’ve decided to get separated from my spouse, now what?

Once the decision to separate has been made, a new whole new wave of questions and concerns come washing in. There are things that you can do to prepare for the next steps in the process. Hopefully you and your spouse are in a position where you can still discuss important matters. If this is not the case, you can still take the following steps, but know that your case will be somewhat more difficult.

  1. Decide on logistics. If possible discuss logistics with your spouse. Here are some items that should be discussed:
    1. Who if any wants to keep the matrimonial home? What mortgage is left on the house?
    2. Custody and access. Custody is decision making rights. Who will get to make the decisions about the children? Access is the visitation schedule. Is it going to half and half? What is a schedule that work for both parties?
    3. Decide on what you agree on and what you do not. If there is nothing that you agree on, that is ok!!
  2. Gather all information. Get together all of your financial information such as debts, assets, RRSPs, and pensions. Gather information about what you had before the marriage. Gather mortgage information, pension information, business information (if there is one), savings, credit card information, cars, and any other financial information.
  3. Mediation Vs. Litigation. It is important that you have a clear understanding of mediation and litigation. In short mediation is the process where both parties come to the table to negotiate, and litigation is where both parties have separate lawyers. At the SDRC we advocate towards mediation because of its emotional and financial benefits.

Once you have gathered your information, and have had the hard conversations about logistics, you can now move forward. It is much easier to go through the process if you and your spouse are willing to work together but if this is not the case, there are options. If this is the case, the best place to start is to book a consultation. During the consultation Diane will go over your situation and help you to come up with a clear plan to move forward. If you are ready to move into mediation or would like to book a consultation, contact info@claritydivorce.com or give us a call at 613-837-9025.

Blending a Family

Blending a family can be a very delicate process, and many times if not done properly can cause years of conflict. There are many factors that determine how to move forward with blending a family. For example, if there are children on both sides, if the children are older or younger, what the current access arrangements are for the children.

All of these circumstances determine how to approach blending a family to ensure as much success as possible. Just the fact that you are asking if you are ready is a good sign because it shows that you are being proactive. Here are some suggestions prior to blending a family.

7 Ways To Support Your Children Through Divorce

It may no longer be taboo, but it still hurts.

Can divorce be what is best? Yes! BUT the reality is that many divorces end with pain, anger and hostility. When this happens the children are thrown into the middle of a battle that they did not choose. Always remember, this is not what they chose. Most children want peace and unity among their parents. Far too many times parents lose sight of the fact that it is THEIR decisions that put children in these situations, it is THEIR decisions that has caused turmoil and confusion, it is THEIR decisions that has broken up the family. Not the child’s.

Here are 7 ways that you can best support your child through this difficult transition:

  1. Remember that your children live YOUR consequences.
  2. Be there for them through whatever they are feeling. Whether they are mad, sad, hurt, angry, or scared…be there. You may not be able to fix it or make it better, but just be there, listen and support.
  3. Don’t speak poorly of the other parent. Your children are doing the best they can and they don’t want to hear about all the bad things you have to say about the other half of them. Essentially when you say that the other parent is bad, you are saying that half of them is bad too.
  4. Be compassionate. This is just as new to your children as it is to you. Understand that they are treading through the waters and trying to find their way, their spot, their center.
  5. If you notice any changes in their behavior, GET THEM HELP! Children often want to please everyone, and they want everyone to be happy especially their parents and therefore it is difficult for them to fully and openly express themselves. They need someone neutral, someone not involved what so ever in their lives to empty out what they hold on to. It is not shameful to find someone (a professional) for your child to talk to.
  6. Keep new partners AWAY! This cannot be stressed enough. Yes 8 months may have passed and your children seem to be ok… but they are still processing, they are still recreating their family, their are still changing and learning. Adding a new partner will always bring up feelings for your children and has the potential to cause a lot of issues for them.
  7. Rebuild with them. When the family is intact and the children view their parents as “mom and dad” not as people or individual people. They don’t question their roles or where they stand in the family because the role of mom and dad is taken. When a separation happens, children and youth must recreate their relationship with each parent as an individual, they must re-establish the roles.  Take time to to rebuild your relationship with your children in the new family setting.

If you would like more information about how you can support your child or if you believe your child would benefit from talking to someone please contact us at 613-837-9025 or click HERE.