Your first Holiday season newly divorce can be very difficult for you, your children, and even your ex. Emotions are on the rise, traditions will be different, and certain members of the family will be absent. There are so many variables and moving parts during the holidays that it makes preparing difficult. Emotions that you thought you were over, come flooding back, your children are expressing more difficulty or sadness. It is important to know that you are not alone, and you are experiencing a stage of post-divorce that most families go through.
Knowing how difficult this time can be, we have put together a few tips for you.
- PLAN: Having a clear plan of who will have the children when and where everyone will be is extremely important. When the children are aware of what will be happening it reduces anxiety and everyone feels better when there is a plan!
- Be FLEXIBLE: Just as much as having a plan is important it is also important to be somewhat flexible. We all know how crazy everything can get around the Holidays, just go with the flow.
- BE PATIENT: Be patient with yourself and with your children. Whatever emotions come up, let them, validate them, and process them. Do the same with your children. Know that what each of you are going through is ok, its normal, and you will get through it.
- SURROUND YOURSELF WITH LOVE AND SUPPORT: Get together with friends and family, with people who love you and want to be there for you. Being alone on the holidays can magnify the difficulties, let people hold you up and support you and your family.
- MAKE NEW TRADITIONS: It is hard to let go. To let go of the past, of the could haves, should haves, and what could have been. Grieving the loss of the family as it was and letting go of the old traditions of the way things were can be very difficult. Focus on the new. Create new traditions, think of things that you have always wanted to incorporate, get the children involved, and make it your own.
- COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS: Tony Robbins states that anger, blame, and sadness cannot exist while we are in a state of gratitude. Be grateful for what you DO have and not what your feel you have lost. Write a list of everything to be grateful for, do it as a family and put it on your fridge. Do it daily or weekly or whenever you need a pick-me-up. You can never be too grateful.
- MAKE A NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: Leave last year in the dust and make a New Year’s resolution for you and your family. Setting goals can me motivating and inspirational. Create a step by step plan on how you are going to get to where you want to be. Do you want to work on yourself? Find a workshop. Do you want to be healthier? Find a gym or program. Do you want to have a better relationship with your children? Hire a professional. There are always answers and there is always a way to get you to where you want to be!
If you are struggling through the holidays, if you need a plan for the holidays, if you need support or want to work on your goals…. We can help! Contact us today to find out what we can do for you.