The first year is always the hardest because it is filled with so many firsts. First birthdays without your ex. First kids birthdays, first Valentine’s day being single. First Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas alone or shuttling children back and forth. At some point, during your first year, you find yourself alone in a house,  that is used to all of the hustle bustle. That’s ok! It will be hard, but it can also be liberating and self empowering. 

Here are 11 ideas of how to change your loneliness into self love, you’re quiet into self reflection, and your stillness into power. 

 

  1. Switch perspectives. It is hard when you find yourself alone in stillness not to fall into the trap of the should’ve, could’ve, would’ve spiral. This is not a time to rehash the past but to look to your future. Step out of the negativity and move your thoughts towards something more positive. 
  2. Listen to music that you love. Music changes vibes, and there is nothing else like it when you are home alone and cranking some jams and singing or dancing your heart out. 
  3. Cook. Cook or bake, make whatever you love. This isn’t about over indulging it’s about creating and using your time to experiment in the kitchen and try new recipes. 
  4. Read. There are so many good books out there that help to move you towards self empowerment. Pick one up, put some relaxing tunes on, make yourself a meal, and read. Highlight what jumps out at you. Journal as you about your thoughts and feelings. 
  5. Relax. Do whatever it is that you LOVE to do to relax. Whether that be yoga, taking a bath, getting a massage, going for a run, hitting the gym, pampering yourself with a face mask and a hair mask. Whatever it is that totally relaxes you, plan a whole day of just that.
  6. Surround yourself with people who love you. If you are not ready to be fully alone without finding yourself deep in your feelings and emotions, THAT’S OK! Reach out for help from your tribe. Make plans to go for dinner, have a movie night, have friends over to bake or cook, hold a potluck. Whatever you enjoy doing with the people you love, DO IT!
  7. Be selfish. Being viewed as selfish generally has a negative context, but it doesn’t always have to be. This is a difficult time for you and you have every right to take care of yourself, whatever that means. It is not selfish to take care of your mind, body, and soul. So do that! 
  8. Honor where you are and what you are feeling. Emotions that go along with divorce are generally not pleasant emotions that we seek to keep around. In order to pass though these feelings and emotions you must honor them, sit with them, feel them, and come to terms with them. Journalling, talking, and expressing your feelings and emotions is the best way to pass through them and come out of the other side. 
  9. Get creative. Creativity brings out another side of us that grounds us within ourselves. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. It could be creating a vision board, planning a paint night, participating in arts and crafts, baking, cooking, writing, drawing, making music. Anything that gets the creative juices flowing and your hands/feet moving. 
  10. Get active. It is no secret that movement changes how we feel. Boost those endorphins, move for 30 minutes. Dance, hike, swim, lift weights, do yoga, kickboxing, anything that gets your body moving. 
  11. Build new traditions. This is a great one! Get creative, this is your chance to create any traditions that you want. All of those things that you thought, “mmm I would love to do that with my family”,  or “wow I love that idea”. DO IT! Not only does it help you to move forward and focus on the positives, but it also benefits the children. Win, win!

 

These are just examples of what can help those firsts transform and propel you forward into your new way of living. If you are still struggling with your separation we are here to help. Never forget that reaching out when you are in need is a very courageous thing to do and we are always here to listen. We have services that can assist you in any stage of your struggle. Try some of these suggestions our and let us know what you think 🙂 Click here to contact us!